Stories

We’re gettin’ married!

...why we kept it under wraps on social media for 7+ months is less about us and a bigger question about social media as a whole.

Yup! We adultin’ and doin’ the thang. If you’ve been following this blog from day one, YOU were actually the first ones to publicly find out that Pete and I are, in fact, engaged! So, thanks for reading!

The truth is, Pete and I got engaged this past April. Wha wha wha!? Yup. We had been dating for 7 years, had talked about marriage a handful of times in the past, and had decided it wasn’t for us… until we realized, after all, that it was — but under our own terms. I don’t want a ring (and if you’re curious why, leave a comment and I’ll write a post about it). A traditional white-dress wedding just didn’t resonate. There was no outrageous proposal. And it was perfect — for us. (NOTE: I 100% recognize that I’m unusual and most definitely don’t depreciate tradition, romance, or public outpourings of love. It just wasn’t for me!)

Now, why we kept it under wraps on social media for 7+ months is less about us and a bigger question about social media as a whole. And I’m actually really excited to have a discussion with you guys about it because I think it’s super important in this day and age. We didn’t publicly announce it immediately, because in some ways we wanted to keep it sacred. It’s been enjoyable to talk to friends and family and let them know the old fashioned way — in person and in conversations. We’re at a perplexing point in time where validation comes in the forms of likes and shares. And I’ll be the first one to admit that I completely get wrapped up in this mentality. I’m in the eye of the storm and it feels inescapable at times. But Pete and I becoming engaged — THIS was for us (and our families, of course). It wasn’t for the likes, the thumbs up from our second cousins we never hear from or the pseudo friends who never call. It wasn’t to gain approval and assure that we’re right for each other. We made a choice together. That’s what matters. The more we’re consumed by and measure validation by likes, retweets, and follows, the more we become detached by the very reason something was significant to us. (Side note: I’m in the predicament that those very likes, retweets, and follows have become what measures my career, though. It’s strange. I never set out to be a YouTuber. It just sort of happened. I guess I’m still unpacking that.)

So, why come out publicly now? Well, because I guess it finally felt right. We gave the initial engagement-excitement time to breathe and we let it sink in. We wake up smiling knowing that we chose this path for ourselves. And that’s what matters.

P.S. If you’ve ever been discouraged by the lack of “interaction” a post on social media gets. Take a moment to breathe. Reset. And recognize how utterly ridiculous that thought is. Never before in the history of man, did we as regular people have had to deal with the unusual stress of something not getting enough love on a digital platform. Since we’re all in one way or another stuck in the fray of social media, it’s important to remember that seeking validation in numbers is destructive. If a moment captured on social media was important to you, nothing should take that experience away from you. Look, it’s easier said than done. And I am constantly reminding myself, too. Just know you’re not alone. ❤

34 comments

  1. Congratulations you guys! You are a great couple and your reasons for keeping it private are understandable. I wish you and Peter have a great marriage and happy life just like I did with Joven and Kate. I love you both. Good luck.

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  2. I came here from your twitter and I didn’t even know you had a blog but congratulations! This made me smile so hard just because your happiness really travels through your writing and it’s awesome. I’m so happy for you!

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  3. I totally understand why you wanted to keep it to your guys self and family and friends before telling us it makes it more authentic and real and it’s not just for likes and rt so Just know I’m happy you felt it was right to tell us at all. It makes me feel like were at that level of bond where you can tell us these things if that makes sense

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  4. I totally understand why you wanted to keep it to your guys self and family and friends before telling us it makes it more authentic and real and it’s not just for likes and rt so Just know I’m happy you felt it was right to tell us at all. It makes me feel like were at that level of bond where you can tell us these things if that makes sense 🙂

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  5. Congratulations Mari and Pete~ really appreciate you sharing your thoughts on this and how it was right for you both. It’s definitely a good reminder not to get caught up in the likes and views as though they validate if we are loved. I would like to know more about why you don’t want a wedding ring. I’ve always seen a ring as the ultimate form of commitment for some reason, probably due to being raised on that. It isn’t, but that’s just how it’s been viewed in my surroundings. Love reading your posts 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Wow, congrats! I’m so happy for you ❤ I totally understand why you waited to tell the world. You look like such an amazing couple and I wish you all the best on your journey forward

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  7. While i understand why you kept it a secret and i also understand why you don’t want to have a traditional wedding, i don’t understand why you don’t want to have a wedding ring. Could you please elaborate on that?
    Also congrats!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I’ve been a fan since the inception of Smosh Games, and you were really an inspiration to me. Now, to see you and Peter take such a big step in a few months is beyond exciting! It’s been so great following your journey, and I’m excited to see what happens in the months and years to come! I hope I can remain as open-minded about engagement when my time comes! 😘

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  9. I think the fact that you are a YouTuber and have so much of your life in front of a camera gives you even more reason not to publicize a intimate decision like that if you choose not to. At some point u have to try to keep things for yourself congrats by the way u 2 seem like soulmates.

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  10. Wow congratulations! It’s totally understandable that you two kept it under wraps I’m a little shocked you could as if it were me I’d be shouting it out everywhere possible. Anyway, congrats and I wish you two well for the future.

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  11. Congratulations guys! I dont personally know you both but I can just see the love you have between each other. I didn’t tell anyone of my family I was getting married until after the ceremony, for the fact I didn’t want family I rarely saw or spoke to coming for a sticky beak or complaining if I didn’t invite them and their partners I’ve never met. You live a very public life as it is and so why not keep something so special to yourselves to enjoy and tell the people who really matter to you both. Best of luck and lots of love for your future special day

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  12. Congrats to you and Peter, I’m happy for you guys😊 and I think it is amazing that you two have kept this secret. I can understand why you have done it.

    Now days it is like everyone (specially for someone who do a job like yours) is in your life constantly, and it can be suffocating to feel like that. So I respect and I can totally understand why you have done this choice.

    Marrying is something special and absolutely private (religious or not) and it is right to leave the excitement and the warm feel of love just with your partner and yours families.

    So…congratulations to you once again😊

    P.S. I’m so jealous that you two are in Japan…i want to visit it soooo bad….

    P.P.S. And heck yeah I’m curious about the ring…why you don’t what it?

    G out👋

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  13. Congratulations! Coming from a broken home, I think your relationship is really inspiring and something I look at as a future goal. Living such a public life makes it understandable that you would want special moments with those close to you to be truly private. I would love a post as to why you don’t want a ring; I think it could lead to an interesting discussion, especially for those of us who aren’t married yet and aren’t sure they want a conventional marriage either. Best wishes!

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  14. I agree 100% with your outro message about people seeking validation a lot of the time over social media. I don’t think it’s a healthy mindset. People should just be who they are, showing off their unique skills and their personality rather than be attached to whether something gets noticed ].

    Once again, congrats friends on your engagement! ❤ ^_^

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Congrats! And honestly, it’s super smart to let the engagement excitement be just for yourself and have everything under your own terms, it is YOUR marriage after all, and if you start it off caring about everyone else and how people will react to it, then who knows what the actual marriage will be like years down the road. If you do need a wedding pant suit or jump suit, I work at a bridal shop and they’re pretty well priced (I know you said you don’t want a white dress wedding but in case you out there looking for other options, I gottchu fam.) Again, congrats, and much love to you guys!

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  16. My husband and I started dating almost 11 years ago and I knew early on he was the one for me, but I never felt the need to have a wedding so marriage wasn’t a top priority. I don’t like being center of attention (I have major anxiety issues) and I couldn’t justify spending our savings on a wedding when we were saving for a house. After 6 years together, we had our first daughter and we started talking about making things official and me taking on his last name, which originally I never intended on doing. So together we decided to elope because we wanted to do it for us and not for anyone else. We asked our best friends to be our witnesses and kept it top secret and on our 7 yesr anniversary we dressed up and went to City Hall. We’ve been married for 3.5 years now and we finally bought a house and had a second daughter.

    I’ve been in a couple weddings parties and it’s fun and I get excited for my friends, but I don’t regret for a minute that we didn’t do a big wedding and we kept it a secret until after we got married. Ultimately, people have to do what makes them happy and what works between you and your loved one.

    So congratulations on being engaged for 7 months!

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  17. It takes a lot of courage to love and live a life on your own terms. This is wonderful and you deserve all the happiness the world can offer. Career is essential to sustain life and it seems you have that in perspective while managing the potential down sides of this social media crazed game we play in society. But with the loving support of someone who cares first about you is…greater than anyone’s opinion could ever matter. Congratulations Mari 😄

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  18. I agree with finding the balance and learning when to breathe and step away. As a teenager, I’ve grown up with social media. In fact, I don’t think I can remember a time where it didn’t exist, because of this, I am interested in how to create a healthy relationship with it. Though our situations are very different, I value your opinion and outlook, so I would definitely appreciate a more in depth post about it. This is such a unique time in history where there is no guidebook to follow for this topic. I’ve had times where I’d share everything, and times where I didn’t open apps for months. This is something I imagine many people my age struggle with, and I’d love to read an article about your experiences and views. Then again if you don’t feel like this is a topic you’d like to write about, that’s completely fine as well! Your blog is lovely and congratulations on your engagement! I hope your marriage is happy, healthy, and great. 💕

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  19. Congratulations! You’re lucky to get married to the love of your life and he seems so sweet. I’m so happy for you guys. I’m exeited to hear more about it in the future. Congratulations agian❤️
    Is it planed when you are getting married?😊

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  20. Hey congrats!
    I came here from instagram, new to your blog and loving the way you write.

    I really wish you and Pete well, with many more happy years together.

    I want to thank you. I was one to sometimes focus on those likes, but now can hopefully with time say otherwise. The way you explained living and sharing on social media instead of living through it; really reaignated with me. For that i thank you.

    Ps: I love your style of blog!

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  21. Mari, i am so happy for you two!
    Totally agree with the social media thing and your decision.
    It’s so strange how even if i’m Younger i can still see you grow throughout the video and the bits of your life that you share.
    I am sooo happy that you are getting married and the fact you want to do it your way makes me even happier, cuz you show that what you want to do is more important that what people usually do (dk if it makes sense)
    Good luck for everyhing 🙂
    Ly
    Paolo

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  22. I am so incredibly happy for you two but I completely understand why you kept the engagement under wraps for a bit. Your job puts you so much in the spotlight and the decision to get married is so personal that it shouldn’t have to be blasted on social media for it to feel real. Although we’re both very young still, me and my husband have been together 10 years. We got engaged 2 years ago and a month after the engagement we were married. After the engagement I called my immediate family to tell them the good news and a few days later I posted about it on Facebook (also funnily enough, I told the fam on one of Pete’s YouNow streams). I didn’t really feel like I posted about it for the validation because at the time, none of my other friends were getting married and it didn’t feel like a contest (although now I do need to step away from social media every now and again to remind myself that my life is my life, and I shouldn’t be comparing it to others). I really just wanted to share how happy I was for this next step in my life. In hindsight though, part of me wished I hadn’t shared it to the world of Facebook because then I was hounded by family members and acquaintances wanting an invitation even though we were keeping it small. It was a small church wedding with the reception at his parent’s house and I wouldn’t change a single thing about that day. Every person’s marriage process is different and however you and Pete feel comfortable is the only thing that matters. Again, a million times congratulations to you and Pete!

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  23. Congratuliation to both of you ! 🙂

    I really understand your choice to not use socialmedia instantly to tell us “hey we’re married lol” !

    Somehow, it’s not of our concern and something very private.

    So that’s why I think the way you handled this was perfect.

    Cause you satisfied our curiosity (let’s be honest, it really is curiosity), but yet have been able to enjoy it foryourselves.

    Well, may all the next days of you together be the happiest !

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  24. Mari, I understand why you didn’t publicly announce this right away, you want to keep some aspects of your life private bc you obviously have a life outside of YouTube. I’m happy for you and Peter and I am happy that you found someone to spend the rest of your life with. It is interesting to know that you didn’t want a ring and I’m curious as to why, but I know you’re not a traditional person. I am happy for you and can’t wait to see any wedding pictures you post, if you do decide to post any. Congrats!

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  25. Congratulations y’all! I’m so happy for you! I totally get why you kept it under wraps for so long. Social media validation has become such a large part of our lives, it’s good, and sometimes necessary, to take a step back and have something to yourself and your loved ones. Especially, I assume, when your career does kinda revolve around likes and views. So congratulations! I wish you all the happiness in the world!

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  26. I have been watching your videos since before Smosh Games. It’s amazing what you have accomplished and how happy you and Pete have made yourselves as well as others. I understand you have never been one to follow the norm without trying to be different. You are you and we love that. Seeing you and Pete makes me happy for you two so congratulations, beautiful! Wish you every happiness

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  27. I’m so happy for you guys! Your relationship has been a true inspiration of love and generosity. I am happy that you take any major step together and with complete agreement on both sides, and I love that you work together to make this engagement your own, and not the ceremonial version of what an engagement should be.
    When it comes to social media and certain platforms, I could not agree more. This search for validation by numbers of likes and followers is toxic, and I’m openly admitting that it still bothers me a lot, regardless of me acknowledging it. We have to constantly remind ourselves that what’s important is the connection outside the screen and the relationships that you form in real life.
    Congratulations once more, I wish you nothing but eternal joy.💞

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  28. Hi Mari!

    First off let me join the happy mob of people in saying congrats on your engagement!

    I think I audibly grunted in approval while reading this post because it hits the nail on the head. Our society is in a weird place where our current mood is related to how “liked” we are on social media. Directly linked to sadness and depression in the absence of such “likes”. Add to that your views on privacy, proposing, rings, weddings, etc and you took the words out of my mouth! Very ironic you are a Youtuber haha.

    This post really resonates with me because I am in a situation with my long term girlfriend (probably shouldn’t have logged in with my public FB account haha) where the pressure is on. I’ve never been one to emulate the fake “Hollywood romance”, so it is a challenge for me to stay true to who I am while not upsetting traditional mindsets. (I really think everyone is brainwashed into thinking “Hollywood romance” is real. If you don’t participate, then you can’t really be in love … or so they say.)

    You probably don’t remember but we briefly talked about relationships during your fan meet up in NYC earlier this year. It’s kind of funny to know you were talking to me with a straight face about you and Peter, with no intention of saying fiancé! You have a good poker face! 🙂

    I’d understand completely if your wedding wasn’t broadcasted on social at all. It must be hard when fans get upset when you don’t post what you are doing, like your life is for our entertainment. I can’t imagine having the following you do.

    I think this comment is longer than the post! Best of luck to you both!

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  29. Congratulations Mari. Oh my god. I’m tearing up and I’m so happy for the both of you.
    It’s so good to see one of my most idolized female gamer since I was 13, get married and be happy with her life! It’s amazing that you’re doing what makes you happy.

    I think as a viewer and a fan on my perspective, I definitely agree with you. It’s okay not to have the traditional wedding, rings or like having a public proposal. It feels good inside just to have your own privacy, where people can’t go in between with your decisions. Because sometimes, especially when having a large fan base, people would comment on why did you do you this instead of this. In the end, both of the couple becomes super stressed from the expectations that people are having.

    And it’s amazing to have your own wedding ideas, like be super creative and stuffs. Because, sometimes, having a traditional wedding is boring.

    Again, I’m so happy for the both of you! I wish you the both all the happiness! God bless you always! And good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

  30. Congrats Mari. You really deserve all the happiness in the world. You inspire so many people around the world everyday just as much as you bring smiles to their faces. Never forget that

    Liked by 1 person

  31. Mari, CONGRATS ONCE AGAIN!!! Your wedding pictures were beautiful! I hope you and Pete had a great time!! Hope to see a new post soon! 🙂

    Like

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